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So last night i got kicked off my internet again (ARRGh) and being the junky that I am, i went around to blogs i have been to and read off-line. i had access to everything up to the last post i visited. which meant i was reading your archives.

it was as if life stopped, giving me a chance to catch up. except it didn't really stop. i just stopped. like being still during a meditation. you may seem to think you'll miss something, but in the end, you come back to life better able to appreciate and understand what's there.

i read about True's classroom tsunami experience, wow, she really remembers that moment. i can remember moments like that, but need to learn to write them down. what a powerful memory, she was there and i was there with her, looking over her shoulder trying to catch the images on the screen as she was beckoned out the classroom door.

my greatest fears, the stuff i have nightmares about, have been in the news lately:

1) kidnapping

2) being buried alive

3) knowing a loved one is buried alive and you can't get to them

so i notice i have been a bit unsettled this week. isn't it such a commentary on our world that many thousands of children are taken from their parents each day? what kind of hardened anti-human takes someone's child and knowingly and deliberately causes them all, parents, child, siblings, grandparents, communities, such unknowable grief and pain? it is disturbing.

and then there are those children who lost a parent in the Tsunami, and the other parent is like gone or in jail so they can't be adopted because the stupid living parent leaves them to grow up in an orphanage because they don't have idiot-loser parent's consent for adoption. equally disturbing.

so in other news, barry bonds rocks, and i'm sorry i'm not linking this stuff, but it's front page in the papers and i'm tired. i know, i know, it's not exactly the blogger spirit is it?

barry bonds brought the beef in his press conference, didn't he? i mean, he could be so wrong and the biggest cheater, but i have to love him, even if he does ship to the American league where he can be designated batter and not have to dive on his knees anymore in the outfield. i love him because he's so unafraid.

wow, i talk sports. go me.

i was reading over someone's shoulder on BART today *sheepish smile* (perhaps all the blogging has me thinking everyone wants someone reading over their shoulder!) and she was writing a letter to a membership of whatever organization and opened with a bit about being involved vs. committed. she wrote there's a saying about a eggs & bacon breakfast, which i'll change to steak & eggs (my favorite).

so, in this illustration and the steak and eggs breakfast, the chicken was involved, but the cow was definitely committed. and i thought about what it might mean to be the beef. like before you ever open your mouth, people know and maybe, maybe not (just as good), respect what you're about because you live it and are whatever it is that you believe. you lay it down. sacrifice all you got for the meal. maybe even your life.

it is why i admire the military men and women. they are committed, no doubt about it. they are their beef.

it's unafraid. and i'm almost there ...